Another one bites the dust...

Some of you may know this, some of you may not, but I've been a wresting fan (off & on) for the past 22 years. I've seen quite a bit of the good (Roddy Piper smashing a coconut off of Jimmy Snuka's head, Marty Jannetty going through The Barbershop's glass, Hulk Hogan joining the nWo) along with the bad (the Red Rooster, Gobbledygooker, Big Bossman tricking The Big Show into eating his dog, Mae Young's pregnancy). Along the way I've come to the realization that I didn't watch it just for the storylines, but for the athleticism in the ring. The script could only tell part of the story, the action in the ring could paint an entirely different story.

This is how I became a fan of "The Canadian Crippler" Chris Benoit. He, along with two of my other favorites over the years (Dynamite Kid & Dean Malenko), were awesome in the ring, but they really had no "mic skills". So in order to get over with the crowd they would have to bust their ass in the ring. So while wrestlers like Hulk Hogan and John Cena could get over because of their gimmick, Benoit had to get over with his work ethic.

Last night around 8 o'clock I was trying to find something to watch. As I was flipping around I saw on USA that they were doing a little montage of Chris Benoit. I haven't watched wrestling in months, but since it was him I thought I'd check it out. So the highlights go off and at the end is just a picture of him with "Chris Benoit 1967-2007" underneath. I was just like "HOLY SHIT!" Didn't see that one coming at all. Vince McMahon was in the center of a ring in an empty arena. He announced that Monday Night Raw was canceled...that Benoit, his wife Nancy (also known as Woman from WCW back in the day), and their son were found dead in their home today...and that there was an investigation going on. Needless to say, I watched the show.

Today there are reports that Benoit killed his family over the weekend, then committed suicide on Monday. Whether that's true or not, his death is just another in a long line of pre-mature wrestler deaths. Whether by accident (Owen Hart), murder (Bruiser Brody), drugs (insert a lot of wrestlers here), or suicide (Benoit)...wrestling, for whatever reason, has a high rate of young deaths. Just imagine if all of these wrestlers (you'll see a list in a few minutes) were all from the NFL. Do you know how much outrage there would be? The government would be so far up their ass it wouldn't be funny. But since it's wrestling they just turn the other cheek. That's preposterous!

Why are there so many deaths in wrestling and not the other sports? Some say it's b/c the other sports have unions and they protect the player. That's partially true. I believe that's because wrestlers get almost no time off. They're constantly on the road, going from town to town, and have to be in top condition. There is no off season to rest their bodies or heal injuries. Some deal with the pain, others have to resort to pain killers. Those pain killers become addicting and that can lead to a lot of trouble (heart disease, depression, overdose, etc). If they could break wrestling up into seasons. The WWE currently has three "brands" (RAW, Smackdown, and ECW) that tour at the same time. They could have two brands and just have one tour at a time. This will give the wrestlers some time to heal/spend time with their families, but it will also give the fans a product to watch.

Anyway, here is a list of some wrestlers that have died prematurely (under the age of 45) since I've started watching wrestling (1985) along with how old they were and how they died (keep in mind there are more, but these are the more well known wrestlers):
Mike Von Erich (Suicide, 23)
Adrian Adonis (Auto Accident, 34)
Bruiser Brody (Stabbed, 42)
Chris Von Erich (Suicide, 21)
Buzz Sawyer (Dies at Apartment, 32)
Kerry Von Erich (Suicide, 33)
Dino Bravo (Drive-By Shooting, 44)
Eddie Gilbert (Heart Attack, 33)
Brian Pillman (Arteriosclerotic Heart Disease, 35)
Louie Spiccoli (Carisopridol Overdose, 45)
Junkyard Dog (Auto Accident, 45)
The Renegade (Suicide, 23)
Rick Rude (Heart Attack, 41)
Owen Hart (Accidental Fall, 33)
Bobby Duncum Jr. (Drug Overdose, 34)
"Yokozuna" Rodney Anoia (Heart Attack, 34)
Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy (Heart Attack, 40)
Alex "Big Dick Dudley" Rizzo (Unknown, 34)
"British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith (Heart Attack, 39)
"Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig (Drug Overdose, 44)
"Miss Elizabeth" Heulette (Drug Overdose, 42)
Mike "Crash Holly" Lockwood Asphyxiation 32
Jerry "The Wall/Malice" Tuite (Heart Attack, 36)
Hercules Hernandez (Heart Attack, 45)
Ray "Big Boss Man" Traylor (Heart Attack, 42)
Chris Candido (Blood Clot after Surgery, 33)
Eddie Guerrero (Heart Failure, 38)
Mike "Johnny Grunge" Durham (Complications from Sleep Apnea, 39)
John "Earthquake" Tenta (Bladder Cancer, 42)
Scott "Bam Bam" Bigelow (Drug Overdose, 45)
Mike Awesome (Suicide, 42)
Chris Benoit (Suicide?, 40)
"Woman" Nancy Daus (Murdered, 42)

You can call me Fire Marshall Bill...

Today my company conducted an office wide fire drill. Normally I wouldn't think much of it, but for some reason they decided that I would make a good "fire warden". Each department has about two fire wardens, most of which consist of managers and supervisors. Actually, there were only two people in the meeting leading up to drill that weren't management. They were myself and the main receptionist.

The responsibilities of a fire warden are quite easy. Put on an orange vest and make sure there's nobody from your section left in the building. That's about it. But that started to get me thinking. Don't you think an office would be the last place that would need a fire drill? One would assume that it's a professional atmosphere where people know each other, so nobody would be running for the exits or pushing people out of the way (ala George Costanza). At the same time it's a fire...so people are going to get out in a timely fashion.

So I thought it some more. Then I started to think about the term "fire warden". Some people here already feel like they're in a prison, I'm sure the word "warden" is only going to confirm their feelings. But that led me to this question: Do prisons conduct fire drills? You would think they would be one of the places that would need fire drills the most.

On the one hand, if there was an actual fire, the prisoners would have to be released from their cells. On the other hand, you can't have prisoners fleeing the jail and wandering off God knows where. Depending on the situation, you could have a full scale riot going on because both prisoners and guards would be panicking. You can't have the prisoners burn to death, but you can't let them causing a ruckus. What do you do?

Here's what I would do. Make it the premise of the next prison break movie. A fire is started on the opposite side of the prison. Everybody is forced to evacuate. A prisoner(s) either find a way to escape right then and there, or they find a place to hide out inside the prison for a while, then wait for their time to escape.

Of course, that's a horrible idea and would never be made, but it's no worse than some of the stuff Hollywood has pumped out. I'm sure Rambo IV is going to be an Oscar winner!

Eh, just put some aloe on it...

Here's the story of how I earned a degree in dermatology one night on the beer die table. Darren Catalano and I were taking on the team of Dan Brown and Dave Yazinka. I'm not going to lie, Darren and I were pretty good, but Brownie and Yaz were a formidable opponent. The four of us had many good battles that year. On this occassion, however, blood would be shed...

The game was going along well. It's been about 5 years since this game was played, so the details before and after the "incident" are pretty hazy. But I'm pretty sure it was a close game. Might have been 3-3 or 4-4, something like that. In any case, it was their turn to shoot. I don't remember who shot it. In fact, it doesn't really matter. The shot hit off the table, ricocheted off of the cup, and started rolling on the table back towards Brownie & Yaz's side.

Now, as you should have read in my previous post, as soon as I cross the half way point of the table to catch the die I become fair game. The novice beer die player would have gone all out and tried to crush me with a vicious body check. But Dave Yazinka was no novice. He did exactly what I would have done in the same situation. So the die was falling off the edge of the side on their side of the table. I had my right hand underneath it ready to grab it as it fell off. Yaz slapped my arm away at the last second. Luckily, I was quick enough, came up with my left hand, and stabbed the die out of the air.

With the catch, however, I came up with a little bit more than the die. In my motion of catching the die I scraped one of my nails on Yazinka's stomach. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal. Somehow, against all odds, I just so happened get him right where he has a mole. It was basically hanging on by the most minute piece of skin. Blood started forming (it wasn't gushing or anything, but it was there)...Katie (his girlfriend at the time) started going nuts. Not necessarily at me, but just at the fact that her boyfriend just had a mole removed during a drinking game. They checked my nails to see how long they were. That's another odd thing, because they were actually really short since I cut them the day or two before.

So after a minute or two of deliberating, I believe (99% sure he did) Dave just ripped off the mole, put a band-aid on it, and we continued with the game. I would love to tell you who won the game, but I honestly don't remember. And I guess it doesn't really matter. Games will be won and lost. Cups will be hit. Points will be made. But this was truly a once in a lifetime event.

And that's how I became Brian Holland...Pimple Popper M.D.

Bounce catch focus...

On Saturday I described the evolution of a drinker. Today I'd like to continue on the same general topic. Everyone, from the two beer queer to the alcoholic uncle to the panty dropping lush all have one thing in common: a favorite drinking game. Some, such as asshole and beer pong, are universally known. Sure there might be slight variations here and there (ie. New Hampshire has both beer pong (bounce the ball) and beirut (throw the ball), but the general principals are the same.

In any case, today I would like to rank MY Top 3 Underrated Beer Drinking Games. So the two examples above are obviously out. One prerequesite I have is that in MY drinking games there has to be some sort of skill involved. That eliminates games like Circle of Death, High/Low, Kings, 3 Man, and Movie Drinking Games (ie. Cannonball Run). Also keep in mind that these are only games that I have played. So beer pong with paddles is out. As is a wonderful game called hockey, but that's really only because I forget the rules (and this isn't a Top 4 list). So here we are...from 3 to 1...

3. Flip Cup
Also known as Up and Down the River, Flip Cup has been around for quite some time, but doesn't really get it's just due. It combines a basic skill (flipping a cup over), with drinking, in a team atmosphere. While beer pong team can be carried by one player, a flip cup team can be destroyed by a single individual.

An interesting, modern variation of this game is called Survivor. The basic principles are the same with the following twist: at the end of every round the losing side has to vote off a team member. So say the game starts off 5 on 5. Team A loses the first round so they must get rid of a player. They still have to drink & flip five cups, but only have four members to do so. This obviously becomes extremely tough as the game wears on and there's only one member left.

2. Speed Quarters
The first time I played this game was on the campus of NHC way back in the Spring of 2000. I was just a punk high school senior visiting my brother for a week. In any case, that was the first time I played. It would be 7 years later until I would have the opportunity to play it again. That's why it's on this list.

Here's the basic idea. A bunch of people sit around a table. There are two glasses/mugs that start at opposite ends (a third can be added if there are a lot of people). Bounce the quarter off the table and into the drinking instrument. Do that and you pass the glass/mug to your right. You don't want to get caught with more than one glass (aka "capped")

In the two different groups that I've played this game with there were two different sets of rules, but again the premise is the same. Here are the differences...

Group A uses shot glasses.
Group B uses coffee mugs
Group A says if you get it in on the first shot you can pass your glass to anybody at the table (except for the other shooter).
Group B says if you get it in on the first shot you can pass it to the person immediately to your left or to your right (and you CAN cap).

Those are the simple differences. One requires more skill (Group A). One requires more drinking (Group B). Both are fun. Both are unappreciated. Almost as unappreciated as...

1. Beer Die
Here's the mack daddy of drinking games. In most games the losing team is the one that drinks. In this game losing and drinking have absolutely nothing to do with each other. But the real reason this is #1? It takes skill, hand/eye coordination, and a certain athleticism. Unlike beer pong, quarters, and a bunch of other games...the drunker you get the worse you'll get. Also, this game is one where, for whatever reason, guys have an advantage of girls. Now onto the rules...

What you need: Table (usually 8'x4'...but it can be played on bigger or smaller. Not shorter than 6'). 4 chairs (2 at each end). 4 cups (Solo cups, coffee mugs, old NHC Coca-Cola cups, etc). Die (preferably more than one in case you lose it). Beer.

Rules: First team to 7 points wins. Must win by two. Instead of flipping a coin, one team rolls the die and a member of the other team calls odds or even. This determines which team shoots first.

The Shot: All four players must be in their seats when the shot is taken. The first player will shoot it underhand. In order to be an official shot the die must first hit on the other half of the table (unless it hits the cup) and must be so high (depends on how low the ceiling is...but no line drives). If the die hits the table, bounces off, and the opposing team does not catch it before it hits the floor that's one point. If the die goes into one of the other team's cups (either on the fly or by a bounce) that counts as two points. These are the only ways to score points.

Defense: The other team throws the die and it hits the table. You or your partner have to catch the die before it hits the ground. Unfortunately it's harder than it sounds. You can only catch that die with one hand. You cannot hit it with one hand and catch it with the other. Likewise it cannot hit off any other body part of yours or your partner's. The die, also, cannot be trapped against your body (in certain circles women have been allowed to do this for competitive balance).

When to Drink: First, if your partner drinks for any "official" reason, you must drink as well. You are, after all, a team. But if your partner drinks on their own (ie. unrelated to game rules) then you do not need to drink...but it's frowned upon. Now, you have to drink if your team gives up a point/points. You must drink if your team throws the die and it stays on the table. If there's a 4 on the die then everyone drinks. You must drink if you or your teammate drops the die on the floor). You must drink if you miss the table. You must drink if your shot is not high/long enough.

Full Contact: Finally, here are two rules that the ladies don't really like. Here's the first. Team A tosses the die and the die hits off the lip of the cup. Team B's player catches that die off of that lip. In one fluid motion that player can fire that die as quickly (and as hard) as they can at their opponents. The key phrase there is "one fluid motion." You can't wind up and launch it. If you don't throw it right when you catch it you can't throw it (newbies have a hard time with this. By the time they realize they can throw it it's too late). Team A, realizing that the player catches it, should dive for cover as soon as possible (again, this is where you can find the newbies. They'll sit there blankly and get hit right between the eyes).

And rule number two (which led to my most memorable Beer Die moment). Team A throws the die. It hits off the base of the cup and comes onto Team A's side of the table. Team B is still responsible to catch that die if it should fall off the table. However, as soon as a member of Team A crosses Team B's side of the table, they're fair game. Hip checks, boxing out, slapping away hands...you name it and it's probably legal. Just like professional wrestling, however, closed punches and low blows are not permitted.


I'm sure that was a long read, but hopefully you enjoyed it. And hopefully we'll be able to play a few of these games together in the future. Next time? My most memorable Beer Die moment. And it has nothing to do with how I earned the nickname "Tentacles."

Here I go again...

Brian Holland Blogging: Part Two. As some might know, I've tried this thing once before several years ago. But the difference between then and now was then I would just update with dull, mundane details of my every day life. I would talk about a day trip to Great Adventure or a random night of drinking.

Now I'm not prophesizing that this will be the end all/be all of blogs. I'm not even going to predict that it will be a witty commentary on today's pop culture. I'm just hoping that a few people read it and afterwards it leaves them with some food for thought.

So for my first entry in what I affectionately like to call "Dutch's Oven" is the evolution of a beer drinker. Basically it starts out the same way as a smoker: a person does it to fit in or be cool. And like smoking (and coffee for us coffee addicts out there) it doesn't exactly leave the best taste in your mouth. After a couple of times you start to stand the taste of it. Then you acquire the taste of it. And finally you appreciate the taste.

Now I know it's illegal, but even I can't deny that most people's first drinking experience happens in high school. Some people get together in the woods...maybe on a golf course...could be at a shore house. The primary goal of the high school drinker is to avoid getting caught. Anything more than that is just bonus.

Then they graduate and go to college. The college lifestyle is very appealling. Some, like myself, end up having too much fun and not finish. But after a year or two of partying in dorm rooms, apartments, or houses one feels the need to get out. I waited until I turned 21 before I had my first bar experience. Others feel the need to get fake IDs. No matter the case, one looks forward to going out to the bar/club scene just to get out. Meet new people. Get new experiences.

After a few years one gets tired of that. This is basically where I am in my life. Sure, going out to the bars is always a nice thing now and then. But instead of being out all hours of the night or going out to the city (in my case, Philadelphia) I'd rather go out with a couple of people to a dive bar or have a barbecue. Basically it goes around full circle. I'd rather stay in with a few friends and a few beers, maybe play a card game or beer pong, and just relax.

Stay tuned for my next post..........my Top 3 Underrated Drinking Games!